When to have sex again after giving birth?

Many women lack the desire for sex after giving birth. So how do they find their way out of the monotony – and when is sex even possible again?

It came out down there, our baby. It was unforgettable, but it also hurt. Since then, a lot of things have felt different for me. My husband would like to go back down there more often. I do feel like having sex in principle. But I’m tired and occasionally not loose enough. Our baby is now a year old. And only gradually do I have the feeling that after pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding, my body finally belongs to me again.

Sex after childbirth: When will it be possible again?

In purely physiological terms, you would be ready for the supposedly most beautiful thing in the world again pretty quickly after giving birth. However, women are still excreting wound secretions for the first two to six weeks after birth. “You should wait until the discharge has dried up because there is a small risk of infection for the woman as long as the wounds on the uterus have not yet healed,” explains the mayo clinic.

After six weeks at the latest, even a perineal tear usually no longer hurts. So fears that the vagina might be worn out are unfounded. Sometimes, however, women have problems with moisture. In breastfeeding women, estrogen levels drop, which affects the production of vaginal secretions in the vaginal mucous glands. There are remedies for this – lubricants from the pharmacy, for example.

The desire for sex decreases after birth

But eroticism seems to be a rather dull chapter in the lives of many parents. Especially when the children are still small. Many studies report on this. It’s understandable. After giving birth, I felt about as sexy as a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig.

That wasn’t just due to the residual pregnancy belly and the episiotomy. On top of that: I was breastfeeding all day and night. The idea that now still my husband would approach my bosom animated me in the minus area. My husband didn’t make any significant advances either. He was too exhausted. So we cuddled innocently for weeks. And that was it.

Men also have less sexual desire

The fact that men also have no desire for sex after the birth of a child seems to be a widespread phenomenon. This revealed a study by US psychologists published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Many studies have been observed among young parents: “Nowadays, not only women but also men are becoming absorbed in the role of parents. As a result, the psychosocial situation is changing massively. The role of a parent changes people. And in many cases, that first of all also reduce the desire for sex.” The only question is how long “first of all” will last.

Many couples lack time for themselves

The soul also plays a role. For example, when settling into a new life task, when a new little person breaks through all couple routines, lovers sometimes have more important things to do than think about sex. And that, is perfectly normal.

But suddenly, a year has passed. The child finally sleeps through the night. As a family, we’ve come into our own. But I’m happy when my husband and I sleep in the evenings. Still, I get that awful feeling: “Actually, we should have sex with each other again sometime.” So how do you get out of the lustless trap?

Sex as a happiness factor

The experiment that American Charla Muller started sounds as feasible as climbing Mount Everest for a 90-year-old. Charla Muller, a housewife and mother of two small children gave her husband the gift of sex for his 40th birthday for one year. Every day. She wrote a book about it that became a bestseller.

Of course, she says, there were moments when she didn’t feel like it and wondered “what a stupid idea that was.” The fantastic thing about it was that what seemed like a tortured constant slog turned into a happiness factor within a year. And it led to a more intimate and harmonious relationship with her husband.

Simply not thinking

Maybe sex is like sports: at first, it’s tedious, but eventually, it runs by itself. “The most important organ for sex is the brain,”. So what Mrs. Muller can do, I can do too. I’ll switch off the brain now.

Don’t think about it for long. Just do it. Seduce the one I love. See what happens. And I do it at least once or twice a week. That’s how often I go jogging during the week. And when I put on my shoes, I don’t ask myself the question of meaning every time.